388 Introduction to the Beer Buzz

Special Education – Drunken 48 hour Benders

Introduction to the Beer Buzz

Remedial Drunkenness 101

1. It is assumed that the remedial drunker, unless taking a limo or taxi, will be on public transportation. If you're drunk and drive, you deserve to die. But please, don't take any innocents with you.
2. First order of business, make sure you have round trip tickets paid for in advance.
3. Take plenty of beers, whiskey, wine for your traveling pleasures: Assume
   1. 3 beers each hour
   2. 3 shots of whiskey each hour
   3. ½ bottle of wine each hour
   4. 3 shots jaeger or 3 shots blackberry brandy, each hour
   5. The above are for traveling purposes only. The facts are these: it is much cheaper to get drunk at wholesale prices, but more efficient in getting laid at retail. Thus, at the bars, you will limit your intake to one drink every hour – and, p.s., sub-moronic ass-hole, a Long Island Ice Tea counts as as double fucking drink.

NEVER GO DRUNKING SOLO – ALWAYS HAVE A BUD, and BODY GUARD, and FUCK BUDDY. IT IS FREQUENTLY USEFUL TO HAVE THE SAME NUMBER OF GUYS AS GALS IF ALL ARE HETEROSEXUAL.  THE LIKELIHOOD OF ANY FOUR PEOPLE ALL BEING HETEROSEXUAL IS LESS THAN TEN PERCENT.

MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WILL SLEEP AT NIGHT; HAVE ROOM PAID FOR IN ADVANCE, OR MAKE SURE YOU ARRIVE AT THE SHELTER BEFORE IT CLOSES.

EAT FOUR REGULAR MEALS EACH DAY – PLENTY OF FRUITS AND VEGGIES

DRINK 64 oz OF WATER EVERY DAY.

Follow these rules and live to be drunk forever. Your pickeled liver will be in the Guiness Book of Wrecked Turds.

I Love You All, and I AM

Mark Raymond Ganzer