Here is what you must find:
A woman who,
from relatively early childhood and into adolescence and adulthood was raped, beaten, and brow-beaten, almost invariably by some combination of her father, her brothers, her grand-fathers, her uncles, her cousins, her minister, her teachers, her boy friends, her husbands, her bosses.
A woman who, almost invariably, abused narcotics and alcohol, lived on the edge of sanity pushing the pedal to the metal, was notoriously promiscuous, probably dropped out of school, got horrendous grades, got fired from the first few dozen of so jobs that she ever held, and who has spent time in prison, and who probably came very close to successfully ending her life on multiple occasions.
A woman, who, NOW, finally, has found an anchor of loving support, be it with a man, a woman, a community of faith, an organization that does outreach to help those who cannot help themselves;
A woman who pays her own rent, buys her own food, gets dressed up for special occasions, has an earthy sense of humor, is not shy to be a sexual creature, who is gentle, kind, loving, giving, sharing, caring, empathizing (all the long, all the while she was being treated so horribly, these were characteristics that emerged - which was probably why others tried so diligently to rape, beat, or brow beat the humanity out of her - they could not bear that she would not break to their torture - they hated it that she "let them" give it to her, because she "wanted it." And thus had to punish her all the more cruelly.
This woman, this human being, this beloved child of God, this transcendent, incandessent, spirit of agape love, is one of God's truest messengers on earth. She clung to life when there was not one thing in her known worlds that could possibly be worth living for; and, yet, she clung.
Find this woman. Be honest, fear not intimacy; nothing you ever tell her will she reveal to another living soul. She will hear the worst of it (her own stories are far more painful, far more sorrowful), and she will weep, "oh, how you've suffered," she will weep for you, will weep for things you did not even notice, like, how so many of your closest friends, even relatives, marginalized you, feared you, called you names, abandoned you, were willfully ignorant of the things they themselves did to create such ambivalence in your world.
Find this women (their numbers are legion).
Save your soul. She is your Joan of Lorraine. She will, literally, march through the fires of hell to protect you and defend you; she will even, if need be, die for you, in order that you may be saved.
Some might say, "wait, just come to Jesus."
I say, "who in the world do you think IS Jesus, anyway?"
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