Monday, October 03, 2011
Preview: World Wide War Bucks
I was revolted enough when Walgreens tried to shame me into doing my patriotic duty by contributing a dollar to send a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup to one of our troops overseas. “Don’t you want to support the troops?” the McJobette at the cash register asked me.
I’d been waiting in line for several minutes to pay for two dollars and something worth of something or other because all of the people in front me who didn’t believe in the 21st Century had taken the time to write checks for a few dollars worth of something else, so I was maybe more annoyed than I might otherwise have been. Whatever the case, I decided to use the time I would otherwise have taken to write a check for two dollars and something to give Ms. McJob—and the people in line behind me who were waiting until they had their totals to pull their checkbooks out of their purses or pockets—an impromptu lecture on wartime economics.
Praise the Lord and pass the chocolate.
Since 9/11, I explained, every American who wasn’t either too poor or too rich to pay taxes had “supported” the troops to the tune of well over $5 trillion, and the actual figure was probably closer to $10 trillion. If $5 or $10 trillion wasn’t enough to buy the troops all the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Mars Bars and Gummy Bears and Jujubes they could possibly hold then me kicking in an extra couple of bucks at Walgreens wasn’t going to help to keep their candy cache in a combat ready condition.
The McJobstress gave me a baleful look and said, “So you don’t want to support the troops?” Some guy in line behind me wearing a biker T-shirt and a ponytail muttered “f*****g liberal.”
This war's for you.
War on Ism commercialism is hardly a new thing. I was sitting in a local tap-and-trough the first time I saw the Anheuser Bush “Coming Home” commercial, the one where troops returning from the war walk through an airport terminal to a standing ovation from the civilians who are waiting around for their delayed flights to board. I shook my head and asked the bartender to replace my Budweiser with a Coors. She asked why, and I said something about refusing to support a company that uses the war to sell beer.
That’s when Virginia Beach legend Drunk Dave lifted his nose from the bar and said, “Aw, no, man, Budweiser is just trying to show their patriotic spirit.” This is the same Drunk Dave who once claimed that he got a balanced view on politics because he listened to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.
To gain even further perspective on the events of the day, Drunk Dave often tunes in to G. Gordon Liddy’s program. Dave is especially fond of the G. Man’s bumper music, most often war tinged, patriotic, twangy jingles by the likes of the abominable Toby Keith and about how it’s the American way to put a boot in everybody’s bottom and sell a lot of records about it.
One of the reasons, perhaps the main reason, that the anti-war movement has less traction than a curling stone is that it’s not only the defense industry parasites who are knocking down big war bucks. It’s everybody. One can’t pass a single merchandising venue in my area without bumping against some sort of trooper-dooper sales gimmick. Granted, I live in an area (Hampton Roads) that contains the densest military population in the country, but given the advertising I see on what little television I watch it appears that Madison Avenue has cast its “support the troops” net from coast to coast.
It’s the American way, I suppose, to use whatever’s available to gull one’s fellow citizens into buying crap they probably don’t need, and why should war be any different from, say, body odor or yellow teeth? After all, exploiting human misery and suffering has always been a core tenet of capitalism, hasn’t it? (Especially when the political right gets its way and eliminates all government regulation, eh?)
One might even be willing to grant that using the war to make money is downright virtuous, up to a point. Unfortunately, the hideous truth at the core of “support the troops” commercialism is that it supports the New American Centurions’ agenda of sustaining an Orwellian doctrine of “Long War” and “Persistent Conflict.” Had irony not gone the way of truth, justice and honor during young Mr. Bush’s administration, it would delight at Persistent Conflict’s key internal contradiction: in order to keep the Long War as long as possible, it must be fought in such a manner as to generate an infinite supply of enemies. Thus does the Long War slash Persistent Conflict doctrine defeat any rational claims that they contribute to our national security, yet national security is the fallback rationale for persisting in the Long War.
And Irony would turn positively giddy over the sign that as of this weekend hangs behind the cash register of my corner 7-Eleven:
U.S. Armed Forces
We Don’t Start Wars
We Finish Them
Support the Troops
Hey, Abbot.
We do start wars. We supposedly invaded Afghanistan in response to the 9/11 attacks even though none of its masterminds or hijackers were actually from Afghanistan. We kicked the closest thing Afghanistan has known to a legitimate government out of power and replaced it with a gang of hoodlums and drug dealers who now constitute the second most corrupt government on the face of the earth.
We supposedly invaded Iraq because of Saddam Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction and his role in 9/11 via his ties to al Qaeda. None of these justifications turned out to be true. We replaced Hussein with what is now the fourth most corrupt government on the face of the earth...
Catch the rest on Tuesday.
Jeff
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